i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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