I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
