are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
