someone get that fucking seahorse.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I AM VODKA MAN
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
