Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
