just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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