I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
