so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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