feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
