this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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