now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
