our cab driver is having phone sex.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
