you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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