I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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