You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
