Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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