She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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