He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
