My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
