I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
FUCK WHALES
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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