I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
