you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
