I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
