i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
