but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
