You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
