I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg đđ
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
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