Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
