Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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