It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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