Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
