There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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