No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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