Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
