Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
