somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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