so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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