I wish I could teleport
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
