pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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