I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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