Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
