it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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