My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Vodka?
Forever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
