He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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