There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
