$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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