Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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