I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
