please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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