Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
