I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the day after is always just damage control
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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