NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Come on in and take your pants off
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